Herp Derp Alert: The Seemingly Impossible Chocolate Pie

When I was a little girl, one of my favorite things in the world was my granny's chocolate pie. There was something special about that chocolate custard filling, topped by a generous dollop of Cool Whip, that I just have never really been able to recreate.

Granny always made things seem easy. She owned a local "gently used" consignment shop which kept me in the prettiest dresses during my entire childhood. I felt like a princess at every holiday in the dresses she gave to me and it made not one bit of difference if they were second hand or not. Thanksgivings and Christmases were held in her beautiful formal dining room where she made a table full of delicious foods. But the most delicious of all was that chocolate pie.

I attempted to make a chocolate custard pie several years ago and failed miserably. What I got was little more than chocolate syrup in a crust. But now, I attempted once more and though not nearly as pathetic as the last try, I still just couldn't seem to get it right.

Below is the recipe and the pictures of my work, but I hope you have much more success than I did.

Ingredients:

For the crust:
2 cups of crushed graham crackers
1/2 cup butter, melted
1/3 cup sugar

For the filling:
1 1/4 cups sugar
1/2 cup cocoa
1/4 teaspoon salt
3 cups milk
3 egg yolks
3 tablespoons margarine

1 1/2 teaspoons vanilla extract

The process begins easily enough. Start by mixing together all of your crust ingredients until they are well combined.

Press into the bottom and sides of a nine inch pie plate. Bake at 400 degrees for about 10 minutes or until it is lightly browned.

Now begins the hard part. In a heavy saucepan, combine the sugar, cocoa, cornstarch, and salt. Mix well to remove any lumps. 

Gradually add milk, stirring until blended.

 Cook over medium heat, stirring constantly, until mixture thickens and comes to a boil; boil one minute, stirring constantly. Remove mixture from heat.

NOTE: Be patient on this step! It takes a long time for a custard to thicken and you may be tempted to rush the process. Don't give in and just keep stirring. When it thickens, it will happen all of a sudden.

 Beat egg yolks until thick and lemon colored. Gradually stir about one-fourth of hot mixture into yolks.

Add yolk mixture to the remaining hot chocolate, stirring constantly. Cook over medium heat 2 minutes, stirring constantly (you'll soon be tired of hearing that phrase).

ALERT ALERT!! I'm pretty sure this is where I messed up. I cooked my chocolate for two minutes like the recipe said, but in retrospect I really believe it could have cooked longer. I have nothing that you can judge your mixture by, but make sure it is good and super thick before removing it from the heat.

Remove the pan from the heat; stir in margarine and vanilla. Immediately pour into the pie crust.

Looks pretty good, doesn't it? At this point, the recipe says to put meringue on top and put it in the oven to brown the meringue. But... yuck. I am not a fan of meringue and Granny never ruined a delicious chocolate pie with that eggy concoction. I'm not sure if that contributed to what happened next. My mom swears it shouldn't have but I may never know.

Let the pie cool before serving. I prefer to chill mine. That night, my parents, my boyfriend and I cut into the pie, chocolate lust in our eyes. I lifted a piece out and...

Voila?

Uh oh. That baby did not set nearly well enough. As soon as I tried scooping out a piece, it fell apart. Though definitely better that my original attempt, it seems that I have yet to master the art of getting a chocolate pie to set.

As you can probably tell, the center just oozed out like pudding. Not that I have anything against that-- I love pudding. And this tasted delicious. I just wish that I could produce one beautiful pie like my Granny used to make.

Granny now lives all the way in Lubbock. I haven't talked to her in years and I'm afraid I'll never be able to get her exact recipe for chocolate pie. It's crazy how time can fly by without you ever realizing that you're losing touch with the ones you love.

I hope you can learn from my mistakes and make a wonderful chocolate pie. If you do, share it with your grandkids one day. They'll thank you for it.

Good luck!
Rosie

Recipe source: Southern Living 1983 Annual Recipes